We’ve always thought of ourselves as caring people. John previously worked in the building trade but when we began our fostering journey back in 2022, he switched to working in a children’s home. I’d been a Health Care Assistant for twenty years. I loved it but when we started fostering, I gave it up so someone could be at home full time for our foster child.
Both our children are grown up, our granddaughter of school age and our wonderful foster daughter go to school every day, so after eleven months we discovered that I didn’t need to be home all day every day. I called my ex-employer, and I went back to work part time.
Now we do both! We have caring careers that we love, and we foster. Being a foster carer doesn’t mean you must sacrifice doing what you love.
Would you believe there wasn’t much impact on our family life? I think a big preconception is that fostering is going to throw everything out of balance, but this simply wasn’t the case. Perhaps it’s because our own children are both adults, but we’ve only seen a positive change.
Our daughter has her own home and family, but we still help out a lot while she trains to be a dental nurse. Our granddaughter has dinner with us most nights and although there’s a six-year age gap between her and our foster daughter, she really looks up to our foster daughter and will follow her everywhere! It’s been amazing watching their bond grow. When our foster daughter first came to us, she found it a bit strange having this little shadow but now they’re best friends. When our granddaughter tells her she loves her, she says it right back. We love how much it makes her feel like part of the family, that is so important.
My son still lives with us, he’s older and self-sufficient. He’s a great personality, who’s fun to be around. Our foster daughter gets to feel the effects of a healthy brother-sister dynamic with him around, and they have great banter. We like to think that our family helps her to understand what family bonds can look like. Plus, it’s given our son a bit of a reality check – he’s come to appreciate his own upbringing that bit more.
Scheduled family time is perhaps one of the less talked about sides of fostering, and the aspect we found most challenging to begin with. Her birth mum was so angry all the time, it could be a little frightening. The main thing was the impact the sessions would have on our foster daughter, and not knowing how one session was going to go from the next. Often, the sessions finished early and we went home with an upset little girl, which was so hard to see.
With the help of the social workers and family support workers we got through it though. Our role was to be there to support our young person. Family time was important but so was listening to her wishes and if she didn’t want to go one week, we respected that.
Like with so many things, time improved the situation a great deal. We persevered through the bad times and now her mum will even thank us for taking care of her little girl. Endurance is such a large factor when you foster. You need to be strong for the children and, usually in time, things get better.
There’s no doubt that you need a lot of emotional resilience to be a foster carer, but I also really believe that being open with your emotions is just as important. One of the hardest parts of fostering is when a child, who you’ve come to love and feel protective over, discloses some of the things that have happened to them. It’s so sad. There have been occasions where I’ve been unable to hold back the tears, but it shows how much I care.
All you can do is to be there for your child, to listen to them and be supportive. I’ve always been the biggest advocate for our foster daughter to express her emotions and praised her for speaking out. She knows she can always talk to us without fear.
Fostering can be so rewarding, especially when it comes to seeing the potential future they’ll enjoy because of your care. When our foster daughter first came to live with us, she was completely withdrawn, liked to hide in her hair, took no pride in her appearance and didn’t know what she liked to wear or eat. Basically, she wanted to be invisible.
Watching her grow into the young woman she’s becoming is a feeling like no other. She’s found her voice and her confidence, now she’s decisive and capable. In 2023 she received an award for her fundraising for Trinity Hospice by completing a colour fun run. Then in 2024, she got a special recognition for her outstanding achievement at The Rock Award. We are so proud of her. She is a grade A student with aspirations of becoming a detective. Such a far cry from the girl with no empathy who wanted to join the army to get away from her family. Now she has hopes and dreams and it’s so wonderful to see.
Advice for people thinking about fostering
If you’re reading our story, just go for it! Every child deserves to be safe, cared for and feel loved. There are so many beautiful memories to be made and so many wonderful children who need a home.
It’s honestly the best decision we’ve ever made.
Start the conversation today. Our team of friendly advisors are on hand to answer any foster care questions you may have. We can offer you honest and practical advice that can help you decide if becoming a foster carer is the right path for you.
