5 Behaviour Strategies For Foster Care

As a foster carer, it’s likely that you’ll experience challenging behaviour at some point. This could be typical behaviour for your foster child’s age, like temper tantrums or pushing boundaries. However, some foster children will have experienced traumatic events in their past, which can have a knock-on effect on the way they behave. 

It’s important to understand why your foster child might exhibit challenging behaviour and understand how to react in an appropriate way, with care and empathy. In our guide, we’ll explain our top behaviour management strategies for foster care.

Common Types of Complex Behaviour

Children in foster care may express their feelings in a number of ways, which can manifest as complex behaviour and emotions. This can vary based on the child’s individual experiences and coping mechanisms.

Trouble regulating their emotions

This might include emotional outbursts or mood swings. It could also mean that your foster child can get overwhelmed quickly and take longer to calm down. They may also be perceived as more sensitive than other children, especially when faced with criticism or rejection. 

Defiant behaviour

Your foster child might exhibit defiant behaviour when they feel frustrated. It can include physically aggressive behaviours like biting, kicking and throwing objects, or verbal aggression like shouting and swearing. Your foster child may also find it difficult to follow rules and therefore reject authority.

Avoidance

While some children may act out as a trauma response, others may become more withdrawn. For instance, they might be reluctant to join in social activities and have trouble joining in conversations at home or at school.

Self-destructive behaviours

Children who have experienced past traumas might be more likely to engage in self-destructive behaviours. This could include self-harm, substance abuse or engaging in unsafe activities or relationships.

Anxious attachments  

Anxious attachments are categorised by the difficulty to build trust after experiencing developmental trauma such as neglect or abuse. Signs of anxious attachments can be difficult to identify.

Here at Excel Fostering, we want to reassure you that you are not alone – and the complex behavioural needs that can be exhibited by foster children are often reminiscent of their past, not your skills as a parent. The best way to help your child is by focusing on finding strategies to process their trauma.

Foster Child Behaviour Management Techniques

1.       Keeping consistent values

It is important that your actions and values are consistent, as it provides the stability that many foster children may have lacked previously. If you are clear and transparent about your values, your foster child will know what to expect when something goes wrong. They won’t be afraid that a burst of anger could blow up and result in something much worse. We suggest adopting the following characteristics when implementing any behaviour management strategies:

• Objectivity
• Compassion
• Calmness
• Understanding
• Firmness

2.       Firm set of structures and rules

Set out clear rules that your foster child understands. For example, if you want your child to eat all their vegetables one day, you must ask the same the next day. This way, your child will be aware of the rules and how they can fulfil them. Consistency is key in positive behaviour strategies because if children understand the rules, they will be more likely to follow them.

Equally, a solid set of rules creates a sense of control for your child. If your foster child understands that TV privileges, for example, can be achieved through good behaviour, they have the autonomy to choose whether they want to behave or misbehave. Establishing a firm set of rules provides a child with a feeling of stability and independence which cannot be replicated elsewhere. It’s also important to adopt these rules for every member of the family – so the foster child feels they are receiving the same treatment.

3.       Regular praise and rewards

While rules and boundaries are important, it’s just as important to celebrate your foster child’s positive behaviour. When your child is displaying good behaviour, make sure to acknowledge it – this can be as simple as saying how pleased you are when they pick up their toys. 

Positive reinforcement can be a fantastic way for you and your foster child to track their achievements and processes and teach them how to work towards a goal. Rewards don’t need to be expensive - small gestures like choosing what’s for dinner or a family activity can be just as meaningful.

You can also reinforce positive behaviour by framing expectations as opportunities. For example, instead of saying, “If you don’t have a shower, you can’t watch TV.” Try saying, “You can watch TV after your shower”. This will help your foster child feel like they have more autonomy and control. 

4. Choose when to engage

Focus on what matters to create a positive environment for your foster child. Instead of focusing on every single issue, prioritise what will have the most impact on their growth and wellbeing. If you focus too much on correcting your foster child’s behaviour, it can knock their confidence. 

If you find your foster child is acting out or pushing boundaries, it could be a way of seeking attention or letting you know they need more time and care. To prevent attention-seeking behaviour, make sure to spend quality one-on-one time together, like reading, playing a game or simply talking. Showing you value spending time with them can reduce the need to act out for attention.

5. Ask for support

We believe this is one of the best ways to start implementing positive behaviour strategies. Here at Excel Fostering, we have a solid support foundation for all our carers. We know that fostering can be tough, and sometimes, you just need to speak with someone who understands. We all get overwhelmed, and not only is this perfectly okay, but there is a whole network of professionals and peers who are here to help you!

If you need any more help or advice with foster child behaviour management strategies, get in touch with our helpful team or find out more about how to foster a child today.